Yes… No… Maybe…

It happens every time.  It sounded like such a good idea 2 weeks ago.  I jumped at the chance… “Sure, I’ll go!”  Now, I have more doubts than excitement.  I can think of so many other things I should probably be doing – maybe I should cancel. What if I don’t fit in; I don’t know them that well.  Wait!  I like these people.  I want to get to know them better.  That’s one of the reasons I wanted to go in the first place. 

Stop it… you’re doing it again.  You are talking yourself out of something that will be good for you.  Ok, take your shower, do your hair, put on the new outfit you bought today.  Just go!  I hate not being home with the kids; it seems like we are so busy all the time – maybe I should call and cancel.  No, I know that I should take time for me too.  I picked up pizza and a movie; they won’t even notice I’m gone.  Just go! 

Maybe I should have asked someone to go with me, and then I wouldn’t have to walk in alone.  Oh please… you are 43 years old; you can walk in the door by yourself.  I’m supposed to be there in less than an hour.  I don’t want to get there first.  Hmmm – I wonder what exactly would be considered fashionably late.  No, that’s a bad idea.  It might be more obvious if I was late – than might be even more obvious.  Just go!

Maybe I should eat first… just a little?  I don’t want to look too hungry or eat just because I’m nervous.  I still need to decide on which shoes to wear….  Oh come on, how hard can this be?  I wonder if everyone else is going through this.  Can we even have a good time if everyone is this stressed out just trying to get there?  Take a breath.  Keep breathing… do that deep breathing that you learned in childbirth class – that usually works.

Ok, I’m here in the parking lot.  Not too early… not too late.  I see someone I know going in right now.  All I have to do is walk in the door.  It can’t be that bad; plus it’s only a few hours.  I can do anything for a few hours. 

“Hi, I’m Penny… how are you?”  “I’m great thanks; I’m glad I could make it.”  “Yes, thank you.  I would love to sit with you.”  “Thanks for inviting me, I had a great time.”

Wow, that was really enjoyable and I felt so comfortable.  What was I thinking?